Wednesday, October 17, 2012

only the truest kind : personal

I am not the first photographer who has sought to express their love of...well, love. And I trust I shall not be the last. This love of love is what drives many of us camera haulers to keep at the sport. The bashful smiles, the sweet kisses, the gentle hand holding, the tight hugs...all the adorable body language characteristic of those who profess themselves to be "in love" compounded with the fact that every couple has a unique display of it...these are the things that make our job so interesting and special. But the truth is, there is more to "love" than can be captured in a picture.
Now, I know to some people I seem very young to be talking about such a big, age old subject. After all, most high school seniors can't handle wrapping their minds around which prom dress to buy and which college they'll attend, much less aspiring to happy matrimony. Perhaps that makes me less than normal, because I, on the other hand, think about it very much. Not just my own possible future marriage...but that of others. Maybe it's because, at this time in my life, more and more of my friends are beginning courtships and getting married. I have noticed that a growing portion of my free thoughts are being devoted to this hefty subject of "love." It's so multifaceted and misunderstood yet intriguing and invigorating. It reveals itself in different ways and in different intensities. At any given time it can cause one's tongue to swell up around a certain person just as easily as it can lead you to believe you would die for this particular individual. Love has fascinated me for a while,  is fascinating me at present,  and I hope will continue to fascinate me for as long as the Lord desires my life to endure. Love is very very deep.
I have had the privilege to read [i.e. devour every morsel of every sentiment in every word] the letters exchanged between my mother's parents and also those of my father's grandparents. Both couples were very young. Both couples had very unique stories...they had rich, passionate, beautiful feelings for each other  as well as great hardships to overcome. Their love stories weren't fact, in a lot of ways, they were very marred and broken. And yet, love remained. Love, when real, is rather powerful stuff. Though others might disagree, I believe true love is stronger than the darkest lust, the vilest jealousy, and the sharpest bitterness. 
I literally get the giggles reading the girlish words of both of my grandmothers in their delicate cursive handwriting comparing it to the undeniably masculine declarations of passion in the the less refined, rugged and slightly rough around the edges type of my grandfathers. Its not everyday you get your wish of wanting to know what your grandparents were like at your age....and younger. In the past couple of weeks I have been able to organize and look through the letters of my great-grandparents especially. My great-grandmother passed away in the spring of 2009 and my great-grandfather passed away last year in November so these letters have an extremely precious place in my heart because, even if she was 14 and he was 17 when they were written, I can still detect certain elements of their personalities that never changed and that I miss dearly. And somewhere deep in the storehouse of these words I see myself. Their legacy has lived on well. ;)
I lock into their nervous jitters, the aching yearn to be together, the silly nicknames and endearments, and dreams of the future. It all rushes over my senses and makes my heart beat faster. I feel the urgency, the comedy, the excitement, the romance of it all and I can't help but, in a small way, be left with nothing other than a deep desire to be in love myself! 
All lovey dovey, mushy gushy feelings aside, there is so much more about love that I desire to know about, grow in...possess. For example, I have just been overwhelmed recently by the qualities of a marriage that enhance sanctification in such a significant way. Two sinners living in a fallen world seeking to live together as one and have a relationship glorifying to God isn't exactly easy. Learning to die to self and love someone unconditionally and sacrificially as Christ loves his Bride is a daunting task and it takes more than being smitten with someone's eye color or mannerisms. 
Yes, I'll be honest, I want to have a romantic love. Figuratively speaking, I can't wait!! I too want to have a box full of love letters written by hand that partially capture what we were feeling as our love grew that we can pass down for generations. I want to laugh about inside jokes that only me and my love know, I want my breath to be taken away when I see him, I want to serve him, I want to be silly sometimes and serious at other times, I want him to love when I smile, I want to be nervous and excited and wooed by him. I want to catch myself focusing on his long eyelashes and crooked grin {cause let's face it, seems like all guys have those heart stoppers to some extent.} I want to learn to just listen to him talk, and make memories, and feel the weight of how much we are blessed. I want us to take walks, and hold hands, be in his arms, and be swept off my feet more every day. Hollywood has taught me to expect at least one good dance in the rain with plenty of twirling, dipping, laughter and kisses...with soft music playing in the background, right? ;) 
{They often signed the bottom of their letters or the flap of the envelope "S.W.A.K." or "S.W.A.M.K." Which is "sealed with a kiss"...or "sealed with a million kisses"... sometimes it was slightly more literal than others. ;)}
But I am not ignorant that there will be hardships and struggles. There will be disagreements and heartaches. If God does see fit for me to be in love and be married, there will be times when he and I don't feel very much in love anymore. And that's when true love, only the truest kind will prevail. Because love is an action. Not just a feeling. That is when, I pray, we will be reminded of how much the Lord has forgiven us of and how unlovable we were and are and yet His love never fails. So, among the many "particulars" that I desire in a future husband...there is one that stands above them all. I want a man after God's own heart. A man who will desire to win my heart, because his has been purchased by Christ. A man who knows how to love because He has been loved by God. I don't want to settle for anything less than that love which is of the truest kind.
I get anxious and impatient about God's timing in the matter of my "love life" sometimes. Even when you know His time frame is perfect, it's still hard to submit to, deep down. But I pray for strength...I pray for His plan to be fulfilled and I pray that my mind would be stayed on Him so that I might have perfect peace. And as I, the clay, wait to be shaped and molded in the hands of my Potter...I am excited about the future. The future, no matter what uncertainties, darkness, and fears it holds is very exciting when you know that the Creator of the Universe is in control of it and He will not let His purpose fail.
~Through Christ's Love 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

10 on 10 // October // northeast, tx portrait and lifestyle photographer

The wind is nippy and the sky is weepy. I suppose you would call this...autumn? A spider weaved her house of string, the morning sun rose gently, I wore my "I'm officially cold now" cow sweater thing that we've had forever {can you keep a secret? I have a blue one with a panda on it, too. That's confidential biz though, ya hear me?! ;)} But mostly I fingered through crinkly old memories of young love...letters between my great grandparents before they got married. While listening to sweet/fun love songs to get in the mood, I wiped away tears from the corner of my eyes and laughed at their teenage wise cracks that haven't grown a bit stale since the forties. :) There's so much more of that adventure I'm gonna share with you. :)
And if you feel like thanking someone, thank Kiley for coordinating this project this month. :)
Also, I can't count. This is close enough to 10. :)
Rhythm of Love // Million Bucks // This Will Be {An Everlasting Love}
Don't know what to do next? I have an idea! Go visit the precious and wonderful Julianna. :) It'll be loads of fun. :)

~Through Christ's Love