Why I don't regret getting engaged young : personal

Today marks three months until the day I wake up, put on an ethereal floor-length white gown, and look in the mirror to see a bride. Three months until I will become one with a man that God spent 27 years preparing for me. Which is pretty awe-inspiring when you take into account that I've only been alive for 18 years. But that's what is so marvelous about God's sovereignty. I didn't have to be born yet for God to already be preparing my groom for me! Everything He does is absolute with its own level of certainty and unique purpose. 

When I become Mrs. Ruby I will be about 2 weeks away from my nineteenth birthday. When I turn twenty-one I will have been a wife for 2 years already. I vividly remember when I was younger hearing my Mam-maw (my maternal grandmother) tell me about how she fell in love with a man in his twenties at the age of 14 and how she was blown away to find he returned her feelings! They corresponded romantically through letters the whole year that she was 15 while he lived in the state of Washington and she was over 2,000 miles away in Texas. That Christmas break, when she was not even three months past her 16th birthday, he came back to her little town and asked her to marry him. By New Years Eve they were headed back to Washington in his new car as husband and wife! That timeline always blew my mind...not only was it SO.FAST., all I could think of was how young she was! Wasn't she afraid? Did she wonder if he was the right one? She didn't even have enough time in her life to know! She was a baby! Howww??!! She would always just smile with a look of love that spoke far louder than words. Though his death cut their marriage short after just 28 years, you can still feel the love she had (has) for him after 30 years later. There is no doubt that, were he still here, I would have grandparents that had been happily married and head over heels in love for almost 60 years. If she ever did answer my questions with words it was always something quite simple and straight forward; somewhere along the lines, "We had love and we figured out the rest. The Lord took care of us. "

And now, here I am. Engaged before I'm twenty to a man several years older than me. And all at once those same questions are being fired all around but now they're pointed in my direction. I suddenly understand why her answers were so simple! Because it is that simple. Here...let me break it down so you can see what I mean.

I am by no means advising everyone run out when they're 16 and start actively looking and expecting a man to sweep them off their feet and propose to them. Please don't think that! I know how discouraging singleness can be without those kinds of expectations so I don't want to plummet anyone any farther down! I've been right where you are, wondering, "WHEN WHEN WHEEEEN WILL MY PRINCE CHARMING COME?!" at the age of 16. Most people would've laughed but it was a real pain and I don't ever want to discount anyone who is dealing with that same pain. But I would advice that you take that pain before the Lord. Because, I will assure you, all the protection, love, affirmation, companionship, and completion you're yearning for really can't be fulfilled fully by another person...only Jesus Christ. But! In the same breath I want those that turn their noses up or drop their jaws when someone like me is excited about getting married early to hear me out because this is the true bone I'm trying to pick. The question of, "But what about your life? You haven't even gotten to live your life yet and now you're going to be tied down to a husband!" My number one response? Yuck. That really does make my stomach turn. What life? College? Sexual Baggage? Drunken parties? Heart Ache? Confusion? Loneliness? What life am I losing by becoming one with a man that the Lord placed directly in my life...a process that brings me to tears because it bears the fingerprints of God all over it. Every bit of life that both of us have lived apart was fashioned to fit us together in the perfect time.

 People will tell me that I haven't loved Trevor long enough to know for sure that I want to love him forever. That's an interesting concept to me. Hey, I'm all for really discerning the Lord's will in a relationship and not jumping into something that is not glorifying to Him. That's why I would stress having other older married couples and your pastors involved in discussions and over-seeing what the Lord is (or is not) doing in the lives of two people who have feelings for one another. But when the Lord is clearly knitting two people together and they both clearly desire marriage and see that that is what appears to be God's intention for their relationship (and this feeling is increasingly felt by those around them) you really think staying in that state of limbo is the wisest decision?

Okay. So let's say we waited. Put a five year minimum on our "dating status" before taking the step towards engagement. Because being passionately in love with someone that you desire to be married to but continuing in a state of casual dating is the smartest option...(I apologize for my sarcasm...this subject really gets to me.) Can I turn to Scripture for a moment? 1 Corinthians 7:9 "It is better to marry than to burn with lust (or passion.)" I know that verse has, no doubt, been countless times wickedly used out of context to justify couples in foolish, rebellious, "against wise council" relationships. But let me apply this to my situation personally and honestly. I am thankful for boundaries, and Godly council, and the inward working of the Spirit, and the Lord who chastises those whom He loves and hedges them about with protection because I will tell you plain and simple...as joyous, and celebratory, and exciting, and lovely as engagement is...it is a battle. We are two fallen sinners, redeemed by the blood of our Savior, living in a corrupt world that blurs all the lines of right and wrong, purity and deceit, wholeness and emptiness. The world says its "okay" and "loving" to give yourselves to one another before or without marriage altogether. But the Word of God tells me and Trevor as redeemed individuals that to do so would grieve our Father. The flesh works against the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh and it. is. hard. Even knowing how close 3 months is, I can see how some trip and fall and do not finish the race. I am deeply sorry for those couples because I know that when they seek too soon to fulfill what they believe to be beautiful desires, they are disappointed to find themselves feeling very ugly on the other side of things. Couples truly do burn with lust. Scripture wouldn't have said it if it weren't true. The word burn indicates a fire. Thinking about that this week the Lord laid upon my heart the verse in Lamentations that says, "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed." Which then made me think of the verse that says, "Our God is a consuming fire." SO! Tying together all of our context clues...Lust burns like a fire. God is also a burning, consuming fire. What keeps us from succumbing and being consumed by the fire of lust? It can surely be only one thing, the Lord's mercies! If left to our own selves without the Lord's mercies, those fiery passions could easily engulf any couple...including Trevor and I. So thankful to not be alone!! So thankful to have Trevor just as dedicated to saving ourselves for marriage as me! So thankful that when we do struggle together we run to prayer together! It is an invaluable fountain of grace that we find there at the throne and those mercies, that are new every morning, truly do keep us from being consumed. To those in the Lord who do wait years and years loving one another deeply before getting married, I'm sure you can echo my thankfulness and attribute your triumphs to His protection and I commend you for your strength...I can't imagine but I praise God for you. 

Another aspect of these questions that hurts me right to my core...that marriage is less than other exciting parts of life that I could experience. That traveling to Europe, living on my own, going to college, dating lots of other people to get my "feel" of the male-kind before settling down and marrying would make my life that much more complete. Having been with Trevor for the last year, I couldn't imagine anything being more of an adventure than loving him has been! And I trust when I turn twenty-one and my teen years are behind me and I will have settled into newly wed life I prayerfully will not think that anything could be more wonderful than having him come home to me everyday...being my provider, protector, my lover, my other half, and my best friend. Proverbs tells us "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." My prayer is that Trevor may be able to say that all the days we are married just as he says it now while we are engaged. :) Marriage, when orchestrated by, entrusted to, and focused on the Lord I believe will be far more satisfying to me than whatever life others think I'll be missing. Others' stories will not have a spouse written into the plot and that's okay. The Lord writes a different story for everyone. For some He withholds until later in life. For some, He gives other things besides married love. I am personally grateful that my story includes a man for me but I do not feel like it is the perfect dream for everyone. 

"For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving."

- 1 Timothy 4:4

Yes. There is a plethora of things that "normal" teenagers experience that I won't. But such is life. Every story is different. Let's not hate on each other's pages. Let's praise the Author for His wisdom and creativity in giving everyone their own chapters. I am thrilled to be counting down to my wedding day at the same time as others my age are counting down to other exciting parts of their life such as getting into their dream college, flying to New Zealand, shooting their first wedding (shout-out to all my photogs!)....whatever you're looking forward to, I rejoice with you if you are receiving it with thanksgiving to God! I won't have worn several fancy prom dresses when I slip my wedding dress on...it will be the only gown I will have ever worn up to that point. And I'm giddy that that will be so. And I do hope to travel one day...and what fun it will be to have such a gift at my side to adventure with! I do not feel robbed of a life that I didn't get to have. I feel humbled to have a life that I don't deserve. 

~Through Christ's Love ♥ 

Thanks to Ellie Be and Rachel Leigh for the pictures in this post. <3

only the truest kind : personal

I am not the first photographer who has sought to express their love of...well, love. And I trust I shall not be the last. This love of love is what drives many of us camera haulers to keep at the sport. The bashful smiles, the sweet kisses, the gentle hand holding, the tight hugs...all the adorable body language characteristic of those who profess themselves to be "in love" compounded with the fact that every couple has a unique display of it...these are the things that make our job so interesting and special. But the truth is, there is more to "love" than can be captured in a picture.

Now, I know to some people I seem very young to be talking about such a big, age old subject. After all, most high school seniors can't handle wrapping their minds around which prom dress to buy and which college they'll attend, much less aspiring to happy matrimony. Perhaps that makes me less than normal, because I, on the other hand, think about it very much. Not just my own possible future marriage...but that of others. Maybe it's because, at this time in my life, more and more of my friends are beginning courtships and getting married. I have noticed that a growing portion of my free thoughts are being devoted to this hefty subject of "love." It's so multifaceted and misunderstood yet intriguing and invigorating. It reveals itself in different ways and in different intensities. At any given time it can cause one's tongue to swell up around a certain person just as easily as it can lead you to believe you would die for this particular individual. Love has fascinated me for a while,  is fascinating me at present,  and I hope will continue to fascinate me for as long as the Lord desires my life to endure. Love is very very deep.

I have had the privilege to read [i.e. devour every morsel of every sentiment in every word] the letters exchanged between my mother's parents and also those of my father's grandparents. Both couples were very young. Both couples had very unique stories...they had rich, passionate, beautiful feelings for each other  as well as great hardships to overcome. Their love stories weren't perfect...in fact, in a lot of ways, they were very marred and broken. And yet, love remained. Love, when real, is rather powerful stuff. Though others might disagree, I believe true love is stronger than the darkest lust, the vilest jealousy, and the sharpest bitterness. 

I literally get the giggles reading the girlish words of both of my grandmothers in their delicate cursive handwriting comparing it to the undeniably masculine declarations of passion in the the less refined, rugged and slightly rough around the edges type of my grandfathers. Its not everyday you get your wish of wanting to know what your grandparents were like at your age....and younger. In the past couple of weeks I have been able to organize and look through the letters of my great-grandparents especially. My great-grandmother passed away in the spring of 2009 and my great-grandfather passed away last year in November so these letters have an extremely precious place in my heart because, even if she was 14 and he was 17 when they were written, I can still detect certain elements of their personalities that never changed and that I miss dearly. And somewhere deep in the storehouse of these words I see myself. Their legacy has lived on well. ;)

I lock into their nervous jitters, the aching yearn to be together, the silly nicknames and endearments, and dreams of the future. It all rushes over my senses and makes my heart beat faster. I feel the urgency, the comedy, the excitement, the romance of it all and I can't help but, in a small way, be left with nothing other than a deep desire to be in love myself! 

All lovey dovey, mushy gushy feelings aside, there is so much more about love that I desire to know about, grow in...possess. For example, I have just been overwhelmed recently by the qualities of a marriage that enhance sanctification in such a significant way. Two sinners living in a fallen world seeking to live together as one and have a relationship glorifying to God isn't exactly easy. Learning to die to self and love someone unconditionally and sacrificially as Christ loves his Bride is a daunting task and it takes more than being smitten with someone's eye color or mannerisms. 

Yes, I'll be honest, I want to have a romantic love. Figuratively speaking, I can't wait!! I too want to have a box full of love letters written by hand that partially capture what we were feeling as our love grew that we can pass down for generations. I want to laugh about inside jokes that only me and my love know, I want my breath to be taken away when I see him, I want to serve him, I want to be silly sometimes and serious at other times, I want him to love when I smile, I want to be nervous and excited and wooed by him. I want to catch myself focusing on his long eyelashes and crooked grin {cause let's face it, ladies...it seems like all guys have those heart stoppers to some extent.} I want to learn to just listen to him talk, and make memories, and feel the weight of how much we are blessed. I want us to take walks, and hold hands, be in his arms, and be swept off my feet more every day. Hollywood has taught me to expect at least one good dance in the rain with plenty of twirling, dipping, laughter and kisses...with soft music playing in the background, right? ;) 

{They often signed the bottom of their letters or the flap of the envelope "S.W.A.K." or "S.W.A.M.K." Which is "sealed with a kiss"...or "sealed with a million kisses"... sometimes it was slightly more literal than others. ;)}

But I am not ignorant that there will be hardships and struggles. There will be disagreements and heartaches. If God does see fit for me to be in love and be married, there will be times when he and I don't feel very much in love anymore. And that's when true love, only the truest kind will prevail. Because love is an action. Not just a feeling. That is when, I pray, we will be reminded of how much the Lord has forgiven us of and how unlovable we were and are and yet His love never fails. So, among the many "particulars" that I desire in a future husband...there is one that stands above them all. I want a man after God's own heart. A man who will desire to win my heart, because his has been purchased by Christ. A man who knows how to love because He has been loved by God. I don't want to settle for anything less than that love which is of the truest kind.

I get anxious and impatient about God's timing in the matter of my "love life" sometimes. Even when you know His time frame is perfect, it's still hard to submit to, deep down. But I pray for strength...I pray for His plan to be fulfilled and I pray that my mind would be stayed on Him so that I might have perfect peace. And as I, the clay, wait to be shaped and molded in the hands of my Potter...I am excited about the future. The future, no matter what uncertainties, darkness, and fears it holds is very exciting when you know that the Creator of the Universe is in control of it and He will not let His purpose fail.

~Through Christ's Love ♥

Without Flourish // 10 on 10 : May // northeast, tx portrait and lifestyle photographer

I know I'm not the only one that has attempted a grueling daily/weekly photo/blog challenge before. And hopefully I can't be the only one that has utterly failed. Sometimes it's just too much!! Sadly, you can't very well have a 365 project if you only stay sane enough to accomplish 247. And 52 projects are pretty lame when you peter out somewhere around the 15 or 16 week mark.

To remedy this predicament, Hannah Nicole established a chain of us photog friends to participate in a 10 on 10 project. Gist? Take {roundabout} 10 pictures one day at the beginning of the month and post them on the tenth, linking each other so that you can click around and see all our posts. 

Less hassle. Less stress.

But I'll admit, the plan isn't bullet proof. I might have run into a little bit of hassle and stress along the way despite our efforts to avoid it.

Just wait, I'll explain.

I took my pictures for this month throughout the day yesterday. And, here's the truth.

Nothing blow-your-mind-spectacular was going on.

There I said it.

 

I was at home alone, doing housework and getting a long list of upcoming blogposts constructed. 

It was one of those no makeup, don't ask me about my unwashed hair, yeah its 3:00 in the afternoon and I still have my pajamas on, listen to the music loud to stimulate consistent thought and work flow, kind of day.

Ever had one of those?

A day without flourish.

Such days can be called boring...if you want to declare yourself to have absolutely no imagination whatsoever.

I say those are the days that, even if you have to turn your head and squint a little bit to see it clearly, the beauty is hidden everywhere...embedded deeply into each hour and painted delicately on every second.

PEOPLE, LOOK WHAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY!!!!

{i.e. guess what I can't use until my memory card comes in?!}

Now, at that particular moment I had to really get abstract to see the beauty. 

But it was there. Tucked away in all the frustration and "WAAAAAH!!" feelings, there was a golden opportunity to teach me patience.

God sometimes holds what we want right out of our reach to teach us that the only thing we really need to be yearning after and reaching for is Him.

Yes I really really reeeeeally am excited about getting my memory card and trying out that beautiful black machine you just saw. I can't wait!!! And yet...

There's so much more to life than that. 

Real life.

Flourishless life.

God has not made this life "boring" for us. Even though He is the ultimate gift, He hasn't made Himself the only thing for us to enjoy! How kind He is to allow us to have so many enjoyable things like cameras and memory cards, sunshine and summer flowers, lazy days and exciting weekends!  

"Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not high-minded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;"
-1 Timothy 6:17-

{Speaking of exciting weekends, let me tell ya, this one is gonna be extremely exciting. I'll have a working new camera, and some of my dear friends are getting married which means there will be other good friends coming into town to join in the festivities. Woot woot! ;)}  
~Through Christ's Love ♥ 

Don't forget to keep the chain going! Go check out Rachel Leigh's post!! :)

Anna Claire: portraits // northeast, tx child photogrpaher

The light leaks through the trees whose branches are swaying back and forth with the gentle pressure of the April breeze. There is a brave ray that skips down to glint into those blue pools that often sparkle and light up her face. Her curls fall down, draping her shoulders, brushing her cheeks and if they are fortunate they may encounter those dimples that come out to play from time to time.

The grass is soft and damp still drying from its dew bath at dawn. The little toes and little feet hop from sunny patch to sunny patch to keep from getting wet. But her heels meet with a wet blade or two and a bit of dirt clings to those feet, jumping on to enjoy the ride. Dirt doesn't get very much excitement in its lifetime and this may be its only opportunity to enjoy this.

This...what is this? It is that whisper in the April breeze, the warmth in the sunshine, the depth of green in those leaves, its the crisp coolness of that dew. Its the joys of childhood. It displays itself in the yearning for adventure and if you have it its undeniable. If you don't, you are a pitiable soul.

It is not a lack of maturity. No, indeed. This wanderlust that fills the being can harbor the ability and tendency to be a rather deep thinker. An old soul, they call it. It is not the grave, the rude, the overly knowledgeable that are to be envied. It is the one who smiles at each day, loves unconditionally, and forgives grievances so that peace may be restored. This is the golden thread or even silk ribbon that ties itself beautifully around a child's heart.

And the key is, not to let that golden thread...that silk ribbon...

ever slip off.


~Through Christ's Love ♥