Tuesday, July 12, 2011

[Personal] The Truth is…

I have been going back and forth trying to filter out all my thoughts and form them into a readable blog post with thoughts that make sense. The past few weeks have been a time of refocusing.
You know that little switch on DSLR cameras where you choose manual or auto focus? Well…I feel like I have switched that switch from one to the other time and time again in my life recently. I would go to manual and twist and turn the focusing ring trying to make sense of all my feelings, short comings, and surroundings. I would try to focus on those things that I felt were most important to me and my life and what I wanted. The frustrating thing was that everything that God was dropping into my lap, and heart, and mind didn’t coincide with what I was trying so desperately to focus on. It was like when I try to take a picture of something with my 50mm lens and I’m too close for it to register. It makes this weird little clicking sound and will not, cannot take the picture until I move back a few steps. I wanted with all my might to focus on the things I desired but it just wouldn’t register. And so, after a lot of God trying and testing me in the fire I switched it to auto focus. Things just don’t look the same through God’s eyes, do they? I mean really! All I felt for weeks was, “But God?! I don’t wanna deal with sin in my life….I don’t wanna help others more than myself…this is NOT what I want to do with my life!!”

 Yet things were working smoother and making more sense. My “pictures” were coming out clearer because I was focusing on the right and relevant things. Instead of stressing out about not doing a blog post or catching up on all the latest chatter flying about in cyber space I was having long, meaningful talks with my parents. Starting to feel passionate about things again instead of just mundane and…blah! When I stepped back and watched God sort things out, I started loving reading, and writing, and photography again when before it had all started getting blurry, muddy, discombobulated, and chore-ish.  Things are so much more pleasant when they aren’t pressed upon you like unnecessary obligations! I remembered that I loved reading, pondering on, discussing and applying principles from good books. I remembered how refreshing it was to sit down and write a poem about all the tangled up feelings in my heart. I remembered how soothing it was to sit down and play song after song on my piano. And I even remembered how much I loved capturing life as it happens with my camera. It’s been a tough lesson but, life wasn’t meant to be all easy.
Ten things I realized as of late and would like to move forward from:
1.) I love to take pictures, regardless if it’s a business or just a hobby. I’m not gonna be the next greatest wedding photographer (especially at 16!!) I’d rather just work up to goals instead of trying to accelerate them into existence so soon. For now, weddings are a goal…children, portraits, families, and even some engagements are feasible projects for me to grow, learn, and develop in.

2.) If I don’t make oodles of money at this…It’s not the end of the world…it really isn’t. It’s more important for me to do all that I do as unto the Lord with all my might.

3.) I have GOT to finish high school before I imagine any castles in the sky and actually start the building process of them.

4.) My life is fleeting and if I squander it now on meaningless nothings…I won’t ever get a second chance.

5.) My parents are really a literal God send…I think I would be utterly lost without their guidance…now; I just have to apply the fact that they are 99.9 percent of the time going to know what is best for me and they serve a God that knows %100.

6.) Serving others is really rewarding…not for brownie point purposes but just because it is so Christ-like. You can’t be a servant and have a heart of servitude and not feel like you have glorified Him.

7.) Technology is not evil. It never sinned in and of itself. The men that run technology are evil. So, if I am addicted to my means of media, it is not the devices fault…it’s mine. “YOU! {Blog, T.V., computer, iPod, etc.} will NOT rule me. I am the owner, you are the owned. I control you, you do NOT control me.”

8.) Deep, rich, edifying, godly friendships and conversations with those kinds of friends are much more fulfilling than superficial ones. God has been so good to bless me with godly companions that compass me on every side.

9.) It really isn’t all about me. This is something that I ultimately am always aware of and yet daily, hourly, by the second find myself struggling with. Pride is both the hardest to detect and hardest to kill. *Sigh*

10.) When I “turn my eyes upon Jesus, and look full in His wonderful face. The things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.” “The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.”

So brothers and sisters I entreat you earnestly to pray for me and examine yourselves. Let us be aware that we are ambassadors of Christ not self-centered existential beings. He is the only One worth glorying in, living for, and dying for.
~Through Christ's Love 

P.S. I guess you noticed I have a new header (after changing it a million and one times throughout the week...I'm pretty happy with how it is...for now. ;) )
P.P.S. I also have revised my About page and have added a new Archives page :)


  1. What an encouraging post :) :). And by the way, your new "about me" is WONDERFUL! I love it :D

  2. Oh, Allix. What a wonderful post. I have been in the same spot, trying to figure things, plans, thoughts, the whole caboodle out! YOU were a God send to me. You put my thoughts into written words. Thank you, my dear. You are not alone and I'm so thankful to have you for a friend. Love you. :)

  3. ...and I just read your "About" page. It's excellent! It makes a person feel like they actually know you. So, great job writing. I absolutely love how you write. :D


Hey!! You're commenting!! You are so nice :) Thanks for making my day. :D