Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful // Personal

The way I had envisioned this post last night at 5:45 is drastically different than how it is actually going to be. 

At that time I typed furiously away on my laptop, racking my brain to think of 99 things I am thankful for as we drove down a windy country road leading to our friends' house where we were to have dinner. 
The day before I had had the inexpressible joy of sitting down with my great-grandfather, Royce Brunson, to talk. Just talk...about anything and everything from his military experiences to his grandmother's famous egg custard. It was one of the funnest conversations I've ever had. For mementos sake I had my iPod sitting on the coffee table recording our words and I had my camera on a tripod capturing video. 
We talked for hours before Mama and I thanked him dearly for giving us his time and memories and got up to leave. He walked us to the door and I turned around to give him a hug. He hugged me tight, kissed me on the corner of my right cheek, and whispered, "Love ya, Shug-er" in my ear as I breathed in his scent deeply and felt the smoothness of his face and the roughness of his goatee. 
Back to last night...
We had a fun-filled dinner with friends and as the plates were taken away from the table, they pulled out a board game. The night was filled with laughter and then all at once my dad's cell phone went off. He had gotten a text. He jumped up, almost stumbling and ran as fast as he could out the front door. My legs felt weak as I got out of my chair and followed after him with Mama behind me. We rushed to his side as he said the words,
 "Something's wrong with Poppy."
 The words hit me like a speeding bullet that drove straight into my heart, tearing all the way through me. Before I could even comprehend anything and stop my head from spinning, he had called and gotten the news.
"He's gone. He had a heart attache around 10:00 and he...died...instantly."
All three of us fell into a heap of emotion on the driveway and hardly knew what to do. We made due with the vague and confusing words that came out of our mouths to explain to our friends why we needed to leave immediately and then drove quickly to the hospital. 
I felt like all the air had been taken from me. Stolen. I couldn't even cry. I felt empty and hollow like the shell of the girl that had been laughing cheerfully just 15 minutes ago...or like a faded memory of the girl that had just hugged this wonderful man the very day before.
I still feel numb in the depths of my heart and can hardly think straight to tell you the truth. But that does not mean I am in "the depths of despair."
You see, I always am aware that God is in control of all things. I also keep in mind that all things work together for good to those that love God and who've been called according to His purpose. {Romans 8:28} But there are certain times that He decides to show us a burning bush, a parted Red Sea, or the writing on the wall just for us to comprehend His Providence, Glory, Grace, Mercy, and Love. 
As I stood in the hall of the hospital I felt like I was drowning in the stark white surroundings and being blinded by the harsh florescent light. My family stood around with visible shock painted on their face. And then it hit me...
I saw him yesterday.
I talked to him yesterday. 
And I captured his happiness, his laughter, his smile, his memories, his mannerisms, his voice the day before the Lord took him.
Now its ours, a split second decision made in time to go visit him and hear things that we had never heard before.
He was a character, he was loving and funny, kind and compassionate, extremely wise, and so very meek and mild.
He was my Gran-Poppy and I needed that time with him. So now it will be easier for me to grieve, to remember, to cherish, and to feel again. My whole family will be able to benefit from those videos and recordings. I was preparing a time capsule and didn't even know it.
But the Lord knew...and He knows...and He will always know.
And He is so good. Immeasurably good.
Today I am Thankful that God is God.
And that God is Good.
~Through Christ's Love 


  1. Oh, Allix, I almost cried. I'm so thankful you had that precious time with him just the day before! God is good :)

  2. I'm so sorry to hear this Allix, I can only imagine what you're going through. But I do know that God is in control, just as you do, and I thank God that He gave you that special time with him so soon before he was gone. God Bless and Happy Thanksgiving.

  3. I'm so sorry! It's such a strange feeling when a close friend dies. I can relate similarly, but I've never had someone THAT close, like a grandparent die.

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  5. Allix as I read your blog my heart begain to feel heavy and tears flowed down my cheeks I knew you also brought back memories this is the man I grew to love I was so very young when I meet Royce and he took me under his wing and helped me become a mother he showed me love and kindness his laughter, smile all comes back. He will always have a place in my heart just like Martha does. For they were a big part of my life. I am just sorry I am not there to help dad go through this time of grief.
    Love Nana

  6. My sweet neice.... You are so gifted and talented and inspired and such a spiritual blessing to me and everyone around you. As I read this having already known part of this story you captured your innermost feelings and emotions and relayed such a wonderful portrayal of your Great Grandfather. We too often take for granted the people who love us the most. You have touched my life with this story in such a way that it has made me realize you and my family are the most precious gifts to me. It has also caused the Holy Spirit to touch my soul and open my heart. I ask the Lord to lead me in all the paths of my life. He always has and always will and I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. The Lord has a plan for all of us and truly believe he has called you as he has me to spread His WORD so that all may accept Jesus as their personal savior and have everlasting life. I Love You so very much and thankful you are my neice. Aunt Dana

  7. Oh Allix! I am so sorry! What a blessing God gave you to be able to be with him the day before he died! I love you deary! <3

  8. I was almost crying while reading this. I am so sorry to hear this about your grandfather. The Lord has amazing, right???

    God Bless you, Allix :)

    Much Love,
    *Miss Lys*

  9. Allix,
    I have a quick question(s).
    What kind of camera do you use? What brand would you recommend someone to buy?


    Much Love,

  10. Hey Alyssa!
    I use a Canon EOS Rebel T2i. Its considered a semi-pro DSLR. Call me partial but I would totally recommend a Canon. I personally think they're the best. :D

  11. Thanks you, Allix! I'm in the process of trying to find a camera and was curious on what kind you use. Thanks again!

    Much Love,
    *Miss Lys*


Hey!! You're commenting!! You are so nice :) Thanks for making my day. :D